Ok, Gang! Here we go! –
5. Superman 3 – Poor Supes. This series of films was always thought to be the equivalent of a very cute baby that turned into a butt ugly adult. Chris Reeve and the iconic man of steel deserved much better. Richard (post “Oh shit I just caught on fire from freebasing cocaine!”) Pryor? Really? Why not Cheech and Chong? Or Abbott and Costello meet Superman? After the wretched slapstick opening when Clark is involved in “pie in the face” antics you just knew you were in for a crapbag of a sequel. Annette O’Toole was pretty hot, though, but the corny video game attack on Superman really made me cringe.
4. Superman 4 – The Quest for Peace – Gee, Superman 3 kinda sucked so let’s get it right this time…but Nooooo. When I saw that this movie was to be produced by those hairy hacks Golan/Globus of infamous Cannon films fame I wanted to yank my eyelids off. What the hell happened to this once great franchise? Did Warner Brothers just run out of money and hand over the reins to a bunch of pimply high school foreign exchange students? Why was Margot Kidder completely bombed through this film while looking like she fell asleep under a hot lamp? What’s with that “Quest for Peace” title? Is this about King Arthur and the knights of the round table? Let’s not mention the bad hairdo on Reeve and the very bad effect shots that were used over and over again like some a Japanese monster movie. Reeve did not deserve to end it this way. Oh and I just wanted to kick that Jon Cryer’s ass everytime he was onscreen.
3: Catwoman –
Huh? Where the hell did Michelle Pfeiffer go? I thought she was Catwoman? I’m confused and scared because I saw Sharon Stone playing opposite what’s-her-name who is not Michelle Pfeiffer. The scene where she orders milk at the Nightclub…UGH. What is one most likely to find in a dirty box of kitty litter? A DVD copy of Catwoman.
2. The Punisher (1989) –
When you can’t even put Frank Castle AKA “The Punisher” in the right Punisher costume then your production is going into the proverbial comic book movie crapper. I couldn’t even understand Lundgren when he spoke much less believe he had the mental capacity to exact revenge on the people who killed his family. Sorry Dolph, I know that was harsh. Sorry.
1. Batman and Robin
Now come on…how could this film NOT make the number one spot? The cancer that was Joel Schumacher continues to spread in the this Batman outing when we were introduced to homo-erotic statues inundating Gotham’s cityscape, shots of bat nipples and asses and every frame and shot being lit by neon. Joel keeps the crazy train rolling with this way, way over the top Dayglo Sissyfest. A nail in the coffin that was the Batman franchise. The lame Mr Freeze one-liner puns like “Ice to freeze you” are an insult to true Batman fans. The action pieces were like watching really bad off – Broadway shows about disco dancing. Are those ice skates in your bat boots??? Clooney was just dull and his annoying head wobbling make him look like he needed a heroin fix. I would have rather seen Adam West come back to do a film. Well, maybe not.